Do you remember how friendship worked when you were at school: tentatively deciding who to sit next to, because the choice you made would decide which social group you belonged to; picking teams during games lessons- or standing there hoping desperately that your friend who was picking teams didn't leave you until last marking you out as a social pariah; having rows that ended with "we're not friends anymore"; and much hair-flicking and storming off to hang out with another group of friends who you instructed "don't talk to her"? Think things have moved on since then? Thing again.
Ok, it's unlikely that you will sulk for a week because your best friend borrowed your favourite Barbie pen and chewed the end (probably). But replace the Barbie pen with your new designer shoes, and the chewing with the scuffing and you'll see how little things have changed since you were a kid.
Most people have had to juggle a party guest list because one friend inadvertently ended up dating another one's ex-boyfriend and you know they'll come to blows if they're in the same space; have been double- booked on Saturday night and had to choose which friend to see; or have spent a day shopping with a friend, only to realise that, actually, said person is seriously dull when you have to spend five hours with them.
Many friendships have faltered in the face of a holiday together, or worse, flat sharing. And while you may not actively tell your friends 'don't talk to her', if another friend gets on your wrong side, let's face it, if some girl's just stolen your bloke leaving you broken-hearted and sobbing, there's an unwritten 'girly code' that says only a rubbish pal of yours would continue to chat with her.
Over a lifetime, the average person makes 396 friends (check your facebook folks!), but of those they only stay in touch with 33, that's one in 12- a situation that over two-thirds (68 percent) call one of their 'biggest regrets in life'. Someone you feel incredibly close to at one stage in your life could be little more than an acuaintance- or even a stranger- few years later. Conversely, friendships that start off as casual, with the occasional beer here and party invitation there, can get closer over time.
According to survey by MSN Messenger, most people have 33 friends at any one time, but the majority of these are are seen as 'social friends'. Somewhat scarily, of all the hundreds of pals you make over the years, most of us only have six people that we'd consider true friends at any one time. Obviously, surveys are based on averages, so don't panic if you've got less pals than that (or feel smug if you've got more). After all, do you really want to be average? Added to which, friendships vary over the course of your life, so even if you've only got one close pal at the moment, it doesn't mean that will always be the case.
Friends are often the most important people in our lives. At any one point, about half of the UK population and around a third of the US population are single, meaning that we rely on friends for emotional and practical support. Sure, some people have a close family they can rely on in emergencies, but most of us tend to turn to our pals in times of crisis; think of all those wine-soaked "why hasn't he called" phone-calls, the hours of bitching about the boss who's just made you redundant from the job of your dreams, and staying on a friend's floor when you can't afford to pay the rent because you've just lost said job.
Negotiating your way through friendships can be tricky. With sexual relationships, there's natural expectation that you'll both have to compromise. With friendships, it's much easier to end up in negative patterns without realisng it; one of you always picks the restaurants you go to, or is the person who calls to arrange meeting up. We put up with behaviour from friends that we'd find utterly unacceptable in a relationship, giving them the benefit of the doubt, or sitting on problems hoping they'll blow over. We suffer friendships that are long past their sell-by date, because, well, it's only friendship, and saying, "I don't want to be friends with you anymore," seems melodramatic, or at the very least, a bit 'eight-year-old'. We even put up with friends who are seriously toxic, for fear of being perceived as oversensitve if we pull them up on their behaviour.
Conversely, we have higher expectations of friendship than of relationships; after all, there are endless articles about the myriad reasons that a partner might let you down (most of which get oversimplified to 'because men are crap'- which may be unfair, but, hell, that's the world we're living in). Friendship on the other hand is expected to be flawless: if you believe the media, a friend is someone who should make you laugh, ensure you get home safely when you've had one too many cocktails, defend you in an argument, go shopping with you, listen to your worries, and be responsible for your social life. That's quite a demand to put on anyone.
It's a wonder anyone has any friends at all....
Ok, it's unlikely that you will sulk for a week because your best friend borrowed your favourite Barbie pen and chewed the end (probably). But replace the Barbie pen with your new designer shoes, and the chewing with the scuffing and you'll see how little things have changed since you were a kid.
Most people have had to juggle a party guest list because one friend inadvertently ended up dating another one's ex-boyfriend and you know they'll come to blows if they're in the same space; have been double- booked on Saturday night and had to choose which friend to see; or have spent a day shopping with a friend, only to realise that, actually, said person is seriously dull when you have to spend five hours with them.
Many friendships have faltered in the face of a holiday together, or worse, flat sharing. And while you may not actively tell your friends 'don't talk to her', if another friend gets on your wrong side, let's face it, if some girl's just stolen your bloke leaving you broken-hearted and sobbing, there's an unwritten 'girly code' that says only a rubbish pal of yours would continue to chat with her.
Over a lifetime, the average person makes 396 friends (check your facebook folks!), but of those they only stay in touch with 33, that's one in 12- a situation that over two-thirds (68 percent) call one of their 'biggest regrets in life'. Someone you feel incredibly close to at one stage in your life could be little more than an acuaintance- or even a stranger- few years later. Conversely, friendships that start off as casual, with the occasional beer here and party invitation there, can get closer over time.
According to survey by MSN Messenger, most people have 33 friends at any one time, but the majority of these are are seen as 'social friends'. Somewhat scarily, of all the hundreds of pals you make over the years, most of us only have six people that we'd consider true friends at any one time. Obviously, surveys are based on averages, so don't panic if you've got less pals than that (or feel smug if you've got more). After all, do you really want to be average? Added to which, friendships vary over the course of your life, so even if you've only got one close pal at the moment, it doesn't mean that will always be the case.
Friends are often the most important people in our lives. At any one point, about half of the UK population and around a third of the US population are single, meaning that we rely on friends for emotional and practical support. Sure, some people have a close family they can rely on in emergencies, but most of us tend to turn to our pals in times of crisis; think of all those wine-soaked "why hasn't he called" phone-calls, the hours of bitching about the boss who's just made you redundant from the job of your dreams, and staying on a friend's floor when you can't afford to pay the rent because you've just lost said job.
Negotiating your way through friendships can be tricky. With sexual relationships, there's natural expectation that you'll both have to compromise. With friendships, it's much easier to end up in negative patterns without realisng it; one of you always picks the restaurants you go to, or is the person who calls to arrange meeting up. We put up with behaviour from friends that we'd find utterly unacceptable in a relationship, giving them the benefit of the doubt, or sitting on problems hoping they'll blow over. We suffer friendships that are long past their sell-by date, because, well, it's only friendship, and saying, "I don't want to be friends with you anymore," seems melodramatic, or at the very least, a bit 'eight-year-old'. We even put up with friends who are seriously toxic, for fear of being perceived as oversensitve if we pull them up on their behaviour.
Conversely, we have higher expectations of friendship than of relationships; after all, there are endless articles about the myriad reasons that a partner might let you down (most of which get oversimplified to 'because men are crap'- which may be unfair, but, hell, that's the world we're living in). Friendship on the other hand is expected to be flawless: if you believe the media, a friend is someone who should make you laugh, ensure you get home safely when you've had one too many cocktails, defend you in an argument, go shopping with you, listen to your worries, and be responsible for your social life. That's quite a demand to put on anyone.
It's a wonder anyone has any friends at all....
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