She was a Phantom of Delight- by William Wordsworth (1770–1850)

SHE was a phantom of delight

When first she gleam’d upon my sight;

A lovely apparition, sent

To be a moment’s ornament;

Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;

Like Twilight’s, too, her dusky hair;

But all things else about her drawn

From May-time and the cheerful dawn;

A dancing shape, an image gay,

To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,

A spirit, yet a woman too!

Her household motions light and free,

And steps of virgin-liberty;

A countenance in which did meet

Sweet records, promises as sweet;

A creature not too bright or good

For human nature’s daily food,

For transient sorrows, simple wiles,

Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene

The very pulse of the machine;

A being breathing thoughtful breath,

A traveller between life and death:

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;

A perfect woman, nobly plann’d

To warn, to comfort, and command;

And yet a Spirit still, and bright

With something of angelic light.

Friendship

Do you remember how friendship worked when you were at school: tentatively deciding who to sit next to, because the choice you made would decide which social group you belonged to; picking teams during games lessons- or standing there hoping desperately that your friend who was picking teams didn't leave you until last marking you out as a social pariah; having rows that ended with "we're not friends anymore"; and much hair-flicking and storming off to hang out with another group of friends who you instructed "don't talk to her"? Think things have moved on since then? Thing again.

Ok, it's unlikely that you will sulk for a week because your best friend borrowed your favourite Barbie pen and chewed the end (probably). But replace the Barbie pen with your new designer shoes, and the chewing with the scuffing and you'll see how little things have changed since you were a kid.

Most people have had to juggle a party guest list because one friend inadvertently ended up dating another one's ex-boyfriend and you know they'll come to blows if they're in the same space; have been double- booked on Saturday night and had to choose which friend to see; or have spent a day shopping with a friend, only to realise that, actually, said person is seriously dull when you have to spend five hours with them.

Many friendships have faltered in the face of a holiday together, or worse, flat sharing. And while you may not actively tell your friends 'don't talk to her', if another friend gets on your wrong side, let's face it, if some girl's just stolen your bloke leaving you broken-hearted and sobbing, there's an unwritten 'girly code' that says only a rubbish pal of yours would continue to chat with her.

Over a lifetime, the average person makes 396 friends (check your facebook folks!), but of those they only stay in touch with 33, that's one in 12- a situation that over two-thirds (68 percent) call one of their 'biggest regrets in life'. Someone you feel incredibly close to at one stage in your life could be little more than an acuaintance- or even a stranger- few years later. Conversely, friendships that start off as casual, with the occasional beer here and party invitation there, can get closer over time.

According to survey by MSN Messenger, most people have 33 friends at any one time, but the majority of these are are seen as 'social friends'. Somewhat scarily, of all the hundreds of pals you make over the years, most of us only have six people that we'd consider true friends at any one time. Obviously, surveys are based on averages, so don't panic if you've got less pals than that (or feel smug if you've got more). After all, do you really want to be average? Added to which, friendships vary over the course of your life, so even if you've only got one close pal at the moment, it doesn't mean that will always be the case.

Friends are often the most important people in our lives. At any one point, about half of the UK population and around a third of the US population are single, meaning that we rely on friends for emotional and practical support. Sure, some people have a close family they can rely on in emergencies, but most of us tend to turn to our pals in times of crisis; think of all those wine-soaked "why hasn't he called" phone-calls, the hours of bitching about the boss who's just made you redundant from the job of your dreams, and staying on a friend's floor when you can't afford to pay the rent because you've just lost said job.

Negotiating your way through friendships can be tricky. With sexual relationships, there's natural expectation that you'll both have to compromise. With friendships, it's much easier to end up in negative patterns without realisng it; one of you always picks the restaurants you go to, or is the person who calls to arrange meeting up. We put up with behaviour from friends that we'd find utterly unacceptable in a relationship, giving them the benefit of the doubt, or sitting on problems hoping they'll blow over. We suffer friendships that are long past their sell-by date, because, well, it's only friendship, and saying, "I don't want to be friends with you anymore," seems melodramatic, or at the very least, a bit 'eight-year-old'. We even put up with friends who are seriously toxic, for fear of being perceived as oversensitve if we pull them up on their behaviour.

Conversely, we have higher expectations of friendship than of relationships; after all, there are endless articles about the myriad reasons that a partner might let you down (most of which get oversimplified to 'because men are crap'- which may be unfair, but, hell, that's the world we're living in). Friendship on the other hand is expected to be flawless: if you believe the media, a friend is someone who should make you laugh, ensure you get home safely when you've had one too many cocktails, defend you in an argument, go shopping with you, listen to your worries, and be responsible for your social life. That's quite a demand to put on anyone.

It's a wonder anyone has any friends at all....

Conquering Life: An essay on Karma

It is often difficult for us to feel in control of our lives. Unable to change the past, or control the events around us, it is easy to feel like a paper sailboat being tossed about on a stormy sea. The Dharma, however, offers us a different view. Within the Dharma we discover that we can control the nature of our lives, and that we can find an island of peace amidst this ocean of chaos we call life. Through understanding, we are able to conquer our lives.

The five things that are welcome in this world, but are difficult to attain, are long life, beauty, happiness, honor and heaven. These five auspicious and often sought after pleasures are not found easily. They do not come to us without effort. They do not come to us by way of day dreams or wishful thinking. If we wish to attain these, we must strive for them of our own merit. What is given to us can be easily taken away. Therefore, it is up to us to follow a path that leads us to the pleasures we seek. Those who prudently follow a wise path that leads to the attainment of these five pleasures, is said to attain these things - in both their human and divine existence.

The five things that we can not escape from in this world are age, sickness, change, death and karma. These five things are the nature of Samsara (the cycle of suffering, birth and death). Realizing this, can help improve the nature of our lives. Without clinging to our youth we allow ourselves to grow and mature. Realizing how fragile the nature of our existence is, we nurture ourselves and others. Realizing the impermanence of our lives, we find an appreciation of what is before us in the moment. Realizing death, life has value to us. Realizing we can not escape our karma, we begin to develop and cultivate a path that releases us from our self afflictions.

The life we live, is the result of how we have lived. A life lived with pain and anguish (in dark karma) is a result of having lived controlled by our desire nature. A life lived with merit (in light karma) is a result of having lived in control of our desire nature. A life lived with both pain and joy (in dark and light karma) is a result of having lived both controlled by and in control of our desire nature. A life lived with equanimity and peacefulness (in neither light nor dark karma) is the result of having lived free from our desire nature, and without taking delight in the benefit of our merits.

Karma is the chain that binds us to Samsara. The debts of our dark karma bind us to the wheel of Samsara. Even living in light karma binds us to Samsara, for we are drawn to the delight of our merits. The merits of heaven shall also be spent and bring us rebirth in the lower worlds. Only when we live for the benefit of all living beings, without any intentions of self, can we break the chain of karma and find liberation.

We are the owners of our karma. Karma, the fruit of our intentions, shape our lives. The intentions that create our karma are born of our own desire nature. Our karma manifests in the present, in the future, and even follows us in our future existences. What we run from, we shall run into. All that we reap, we must sow. Even if we allow others to carry our burden, they can not purify our karma for us, and we shall not share in the merit of their virtues.

We can control the nature of our lives. Within this moment, the only moment that exists, the past, present and future are contained. We may not be able to change our past actions or the actions of others, or prevent its results, but we are in control of how we re-act upon them. The Buddha tells us that studying the nature of our actions (before, during and after we act) can help us discern what is helpful and what is a hindrance upon our path. He has given us the Noble Eightfold Path, and adapting this path to our way of life can help us overcome our desire nature, change the light of our karma, and conquer our lives.

May your karma be full of Dharma.

References: The Upajjhatthana, Nibbedhika and the Ittha Suttas of the Anguttara Nikaya (the Further Factored Discourses of the Buddha); The Saleyyaka, Kukkaravatika and Ambalatthikarahulovada Suttas of the Majjhima Nika (the Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha)

The appeal of earthy women

by Brad Viking

They’ve been in some campaigns. Taken a few rounds. They are the battle-tested, highly-sexed, salt-of-the-earth women that bring you back to your senses when you’ve been living at the edge too long. Once you’ve been in the sack with them you know you’ve been well-fucked. These are high mileage women. A little scuffed up by life. But they are the kind of women willing to travel up-river… into the densest reaches of the jungle to deliver that kind of contraband… that sexual nitro-glycerin that feeds the insurrection in your soul. And you never want to go back to civilization again. They’ve got their own spark of divine fire. The pure heat of animal passion. They feel the beauty of being alive. And they make you feel it as you lie beside their glistening bodies… feel yourself consumed by their voluptuous appetite. And drenched in their sweat and gratitude… shedding all the desperate baggage of your past… satiated at long last… the majesty of some emotional truth shines in her eyes… the gratitude she expresses in her soft kisses… the absence of all reason as the echoes of her moans subside… You have made her happy. And she will do the same for you. What greater rush can there be in life? She’s a woman who has come to terms with reality. No more delusions. Life is here and now. Seize what few pleasures there are because it’ll soon be over and we’ll all be gone and there is no more. She carries herself a certain way. An absence of sexual fear that burdens so many women. She knows her body. Knows it’s hers and no one else’s. And she’ll pleasure herself as she damn well pleases. She knows hunger. She knows appetite. And she knows how to satiate it. If there’s a driving force behind her hunger then it’s that look at the back of her eyes… some feeling of loss from way back when… as if there were no remembered embrace in her infancy. And now she longs to recapture that. She has become a hot bundle of infantile passions. Of hungry kisses. And eager touch. And the joy of explosive orgasms. And sucking… the original source of nurturing. She senses all those years of erotic hunger she needs to make up for. Desperately. Passionately. With not a moment to waste. That’s the kind of woman I’m talking about… the kind of woman a man responds to… the kind of woman that keeps the world sane. If she has a motto, it’s the credo of the Rock ‘n’ Roll legacy: Too much is never enough. She senses the arithmetic of life. The closing window of time we have to make love. She is driven by this lust to feel sensation… the feeling of being alive. There is no greater excitement. She doesn’t live by hope or fear. She knows we arose from the swamp and we live a perilous existence and life is basically a long lonely train ride to nowhere. And she’s going to fill those moments with sensation. When you’re in her bed she will whisper that the goal of all life and all lovers is to be set free. Liberation through the joy of sexual release. What higher aspiration could there be? And you’re inclined to agree with her because she has just made you feel incredibly liberated and incredibly free. And when she suddenly goes to flame… another burst… and another… every joy she’s ever felt… every sadness she’s ever endured… is released upon the sky. And in each burst of perfection that explodes inside her you can see it all right there in her eyes… the brilliant collision of ecstasy and pain and cries and feeling and perfection and longing and color and light… released upon the night as pure, incandescent energy… You watch with wonder as she lies there in a mist of sweat and gratitude. Shafts of light stream into the room… caress the voluptuous curve of her breast… the glistening beads of sweat on her body. There is one last quiver of ecstasy on her lips and you cannot help but adore her… to feel a tenderness for this wonderful creature as she floats blissfully to the sky above… up there… up where the sun is rich and warm and forever…

Beauty That is Never Old

Another fantastic poem that needs to be shared, by James Weldon Johnson:

When buffeted and beaten by life’s storms,
When by the bitter cares of life oppressed,
I want no surer haven than your arms,
I want no sweeter heaven than your breast.

When over my life’s way there falls the blight
Of sunless days, and nights of starless skies;
Enough for me, the calm and steadfast light
That softly shines within your loving eyes.

The world, for me, and all the world can hold
Is circled by your arms; for me there lies,
Within the lights and shadows of your eyes,
The only beauty that is never old.

Are We Addicted to Love?

How do I love thee? Let a poet count the ways. I love you to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, to the level of everyday's most quiet need; freely, purely, with the passion of old grief and childhood's faith, with a love lost with lost saints, with the breadth, smiles, tears, of all my life.

Why do I love thee? Let anthropologist Helen Fisher count the ways. I love you because of a complex chemistry of dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, testosterone and norepinephrine; because I have a large caudate nucleus, amygdala, and hippocampus; because I walk upright and have helpless babies and I need you to protect me from predators. I love you because your testosterone has made you taller and stronger than me and given your jaw a handsome square cut.

Not very romantic, but what do you expect from a physiologic, evolutionary, and anthropological assessment of love? For Fisher is a love researcher. That's right. Love researcher. And she has collected the results of this research in her new book Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.
And it's quite a collection. For example, did you know that there is a natural anti-depressant in seminal fluid? That there is a National Broken Hearts Day? That love's passions are the same across such disparate cultures as the United States and Japan? OK, maybe you knew that, since poetry across all cultures has so much to say on the topic. Did you know that love is an addiction? Of course you did.

But, did you know that the biochemistry of love is the same as the biochemistry of addiction? That's what Fisher's research shows. She has scanned the brains of people who are newly, deeply, and passionately in love and found that they have increased activity in areas that (surprise) are associated with arousal and concentration, such as the caudate nucleus and the ventral segmental area, the bottom portion of the brain that is high in dopamine producing cells. It is dopamine that's responsible for the cocaine addict's high, the chocolate lover's satisfaction, the cigarette smoker's contentment, and, evidently, the lover's passionate obsession. Fisher has also scanned the brains of dejected and rejected lovers, and although she doesn't share those results in the book, her thesis is that the dejected suffer from a depletion of dopamine, leading to feelings very similar to withdrawal.

Since she's an evolutionary anthropologist, not a poet or a psychologist, Fisher's take on this is that our loving ways have evolved to give us an evolutionary edge. Our dopamine level surges when we meet people who are most likely to make the best mates for us. From her studies, that would suggest that love's catalyst for men is beautiful, come-hither women. For women, it's square-jawed, successful men. But, if that's true, how do you explain that someone like Harvey Pekar has been married three times (twice before he became comic book famous)? Or how do you explain the miserable failures that are the marriages of so many Hollywood beautiful people?

Clearly, there's more to this love thing than hardwiring and neurotransmitters and evolutionary gain. And, too her credit, Fisher recognizes this. Maybe it was the exposure to all the poetry about love she peppers throughout her book. Or maybe it was her exposure to her research subjects in the agonizing throws of lost love. But, for whatever reason, she admits that there's something more at work in human love than a finely tuned, highly evolved animal magnetism. Even in our worst moments we are capable of controlling our basest passions. We are not slaves to our neurons. And at our best moments, we are capable of a higher, selfless love that can't be explained by evolutionary theory and that isn't found anywhere else in the animal kingdom.

Maybe understanding this thing we call love is best left to the poets.

Being Human

Nature is one of the most complicated terms in English or any language. It carries the weight of projected human fears and hopes, the marks of history and political conflict, the grounds for moral legitimation or condemnation. Running throughout these discussions, tying many of them together, is an ongoing debate about what it means to be human. As Raymond William writes, "What is often being argued... in the idea of nature is the idea of man." The reverse is also true: what is often being argued in the idea of 'man' is the idea of nature. Just as we cannot speak easily of nature without referring , implicitly or explicitly, to some idea of the human, so we rearely speak of humanness without an underlying conception of nature, either as that which encompasses or excludes humans or, perhaps more often, as that which humans exclude.

Not only are ideas of humanness and of nature wrapped up with each other, but they also shape ethical systems and practices. Questions such as what counts as human, what does not, and what is natural or unnatural do not simply feed philosophical debates but help determine moral and political priorities, patterns of behaviour, and institutional structures. So what is the connection among ideas about nature, ideas about humanness and environmental ethics? These relations are culturally and historically variable, theoretically complicated, and potentially vital. In exploring them, we face central issues regarding the shape of our communities, the destruction of our natural environment, and the character of moral discourse. Rethinking our different natures can illuminate both the need for and the possibilities of transformation.

To say ethics are intimately connected to ideas about what it means to be human suggests that understandings of humans ought to be or do rest, almost always, on ideas about what human beings are: individualistic or social, rational or emotional, violent or peaceful, biologically or socially constructed, among countless other possibilities. It is worth noting that many of these ideas about human nature are really about the particular kinds of humans who count, usually the same ones who have made the definitions.

To be continued.....

Flirting

Flirting is fun but it's risky. Many people enjoy flirting simply because it's so risky. Flirting involves putting your whole outward appearance and inner personality on the line. You're basically asking a stranger if they fancy you, and if they don't, it's going to hurt! If they do fancy you and your other half later finds out, it's going to hurt even more.

That's why the phrase 'flirting with danger' is apt. Flirting is one of the most dangerous aspects of modern society. It's similar to skiing, only more people have their legs broken at cocktail parties than on mountainsides.*

Anyone can learn to flirt. It's about taking control of an interaction with someone and steering it in a romantic direction. Some people have sufficient natural charisma to cause a spark in others when communicating. For others there are many easy ways to ignite a flame: a few simple tips and a little self-control will transform anyone's flirting technique. Failing that, try a box of matches.

If you want to flirt without the risk of getting hurt, make sure you have the correct safety gear: a good understanding of body language, a reasonable-sounding excuse for when you get caught out, and a secure helmet.

Men and women throughout history have developed their own ways of flirting. Viking men a thousand years ago flirted with women by killing their husbands, burning their houses and inserting their penises without permission. Later, a misguided King Henry VIII flirted with girls by cutting their heads off. Jane Austen flirted with men by talking to them in convoluted, turgid Georgian prose that sent them into a deep coma, thus enabling her to do whatever she wanted with them.

Victorian times saw the arrival of flirting techniques that almost brought humanity to a sudden halt. Body language was made impossible because everyone was so covered up with layers of unnecessary clothing that no one knew if they had any bodies. Any male/female contact was only possilbe in the presence of a vicar or a doctor.

The most popular chat up line of the time was:

"if i verbally articulated the splendour and unblemished beauty of your physicality, would it in any way prejudice your sentiments with regard to the individual who habitually refers to himself by the perpendicular pronoun?" #

With these restrictions, the growth in population slowed considerably.

The most important part of talking flirtatiously is to show interest in the other person. We all love to talk about ourselves and we instinctively like people who encourage us to do so. If you give someone plenty of opportunities to blow their own trumpet, you're more likely to get to the point where they're blowing your trumpet. And if brass instrument euphemisms aren't your thing, just ask for a blow job.

Stay tuned for more blogs including 'Sexual Etiquette- Searching for Mr or Ms Compatible without making a complete fool of yourself' and 'Orgasm- the 30 (if you're lucky) seconds we go to so-o-o-o-o much effort for."

*This is a lie.

# If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

E.E Cummings- I carry your heart with me

I quite enjoy reading this poem. I hope you do too:

I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

How did I get here?

How did I start blogging (blŏg n. A weblog. intr.v. blogged, blog·ging, blogs: To write entries in, add material to, or maintain a weblog) so randomly?

No one I know at my age is surely keeping blogs- or am I just not looking? Aren't blogs meant to be for one (or more) of the following:

• Geeks
• Freaks
• Creeps
• Sheep (noun: a docile and vulnerable person who would rather follow than make an independent decision; "he creted a blog to ensure he wasn't left behind the times")
• Gen X or Y (there's only so much I can rhyme!)

But here I am, only fitting into one of the above categories (believe it or not I do make it quite comfortably into the Gen Y category) and starting a blog. My first thought is- who will even read these random thoughts of mine?

So if you're reading this- pop me a comment so I know I'm not alone. I leave you with this- can you guess where it's from?

“"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”