Flirting

Flirting is fun but it's risky. Many people enjoy flirting simply because it's so risky. Flirting involves putting your whole outward appearance and inner personality on the line. You're basically asking a stranger if they fancy you, and if they don't, it's going to hurt! If they do fancy you and your other half later finds out, it's going to hurt even more.

That's why the phrase 'flirting with danger' is apt. Flirting is one of the most dangerous aspects of modern society. It's similar to skiing, only more people have their legs broken at cocktail parties than on mountainsides.*

Anyone can learn to flirt. It's about taking control of an interaction with someone and steering it in a romantic direction. Some people have sufficient natural charisma to cause a spark in others when communicating. For others there are many easy ways to ignite a flame: a few simple tips and a little self-control will transform anyone's flirting technique. Failing that, try a box of matches.

If you want to flirt without the risk of getting hurt, make sure you have the correct safety gear: a good understanding of body language, a reasonable-sounding excuse for when you get caught out, and a secure helmet.

Men and women throughout history have developed their own ways of flirting. Viking men a thousand years ago flirted with women by killing their husbands, burning their houses and inserting their penises without permission. Later, a misguided King Henry VIII flirted with girls by cutting their heads off. Jane Austen flirted with men by talking to them in convoluted, turgid Georgian prose that sent them into a deep coma, thus enabling her to do whatever she wanted with them.

Victorian times saw the arrival of flirting techniques that almost brought humanity to a sudden halt. Body language was made impossible because everyone was so covered up with layers of unnecessary clothing that no one knew if they had any bodies. Any male/female contact was only possilbe in the presence of a vicar or a doctor.

The most popular chat up line of the time was:

"if i verbally articulated the splendour and unblemished beauty of your physicality, would it in any way prejudice your sentiments with regard to the individual who habitually refers to himself by the perpendicular pronoun?" #

With these restrictions, the growth in population slowed considerably.

The most important part of talking flirtatiously is to show interest in the other person. We all love to talk about ourselves and we instinctively like people who encourage us to do so. If you give someone plenty of opportunities to blow their own trumpet, you're more likely to get to the point where they're blowing your trumpet. And if brass instrument euphemisms aren't your thing, just ask for a blow job.

Stay tuned for more blogs including 'Sexual Etiquette- Searching for Mr or Ms Compatible without making a complete fool of yourself' and 'Orgasm- the 30 (if you're lucky) seconds we go to so-o-o-o-o much effort for."

*This is a lie.

# If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?